Obviously, I’m privileged.
Nearly every situation, challenge, and opportunity provides me advantages that other people do not experience. Recognizing this, over the years I have dealt with the range of emotions that accompany this: guilt, frustration, embarrassment, worry, anger. Over time, these emotions have changed to a cautious acceptance of privilege, enhanced feelings of responsibility, and a self-imposed high bar of accountability. I have learned much and understand that I have much MORE to do and learn. It is a journey in which I have moved from carefully traveling to openly exploring with receptive vision for learning and intervening.
Listening and learning helps to recognize when and how to be sensitive. Events, such as the recent racial violence and subsequent Black Lives Matter protests, can stimulate anger, fear, and confusion, as well as hope and possibility for change. Within the cornucopia of emotions, it is important to pause and check-in with our self-preservation, as well as the safety of others. In May, I composed an internal communication to all staff. Within that communication, I wrote: I want every member of staff to know that you are valued. Regardless of race, religion, orientation, or any other diverse quality, we are all human beings and all human beings should be treated with dignity, compassion and worth. No one should ever feel threatened at AAMFT for being unique and diverse. Everyone will always be welcome, and I hope you will all take time out of your busy schedules to please check in with colleagues and offer support, warmth and encouragement during these challenging circumstances. I meant every word.
Some members reading this issue of FTM will be more comfortable with this conversation and might think “it’s about time” or that AAMFT should do more; others reading this issue will feel uncomfortable. For those who feel uncomfortable, I invite you to walk the path of discomfort. Listen, learn.
Emmanuel Acho, in Uncomfortable Conversations with A Black Man (2020), explains:
Racism is not a virus of the body; it is a virus of the mind, and unfortunately, it can be lethal. But you cannot fix a problem that you do not know you have. And if “ignorance is bliss,” in this case, bliss has caused bondage and pain for others. But there is a fix. We can all access the life-saving medicine that will cure the world’s most ailing, long-lasting pandemic. But in order to access it, we’re going to have to have some uncomfortable conversations.
For those that are comfortable with these conversations, I invite you to reach out, support, encourage, and listen. Those feeling uncomfortable will need some assistance getting their feet under them. As Oprah Winfrey said (2020), “Extend a hand of connection and understanding to help your partner to his or her feet. Then once you’re face-to-face, offer three of the most important words any of us can ever receive: ‘I hear you.’”
As we all know, those three words, I hear you, must go both ways for constructive action to occur. I am proud and grateful to our members and the interest network, Margins to Center: Cultural Connections Between C/MFTs, for outstanding contributions in helping to advance this conversation. Grace and understanding have helped our members on many different levels.
Unquestionably, racism, and all accompanying conversations, will involve stumbling, confusion, and defensiveness. With patience and compassion, we must listen, hear, and understand before acting. Let me be clear though, we must quickly move from understanding racism (listening) to becoming change advocates for anti-racism (acting). Taking action to combat racism and oppression is a never-ending process. For example, in 2018, the AAMFT Board of Directors adopted a Diversity and Inclusivity (p. 5) policy and corresponding procedures. The policy was mandated across all programs and units with the expectation that manuals and procedures be fully updated at the conclusion of 2020. The next step will be to begin assessing effectiveness, areas of compliance and noncompliance, and areas within the policies and procedures needing more attention. As the parable goes, “Actions speak louder than words” and it is only through continuous effort and attention can AAMFT truly do its part to ensure change is happening.
I am exceptionally proud of the change advocated by authors within these pages. They introduce us to challenges and opportunities, successes and failures, and take on issues directly and productively. The door to engaging in constructive conversation is open, we must keep it open, and importantly, walk through the door to better understanding and action. As Jocelyn Armstrong states in her article (p. 6), “In essence, we (AAMFT) need you…. I (the Black MFT community) need you… and they (Black clients) need you.”
Our systemic lens provides us with the understanding that we all need one another. Every life touches another. Actions of support and challenges to racism and oppression benefit individuals, couples, families, and communities. We are in this together and everyone should feel supported
and safe within the AAMFT community.
References
Acho, E. (2020). Uncomfortable conversations with a Black man. Retrieved from
https://uncomfortableconvos.com
Winfrey, O. (2020). Oprah.com. Retrieved from https://www.oprah.com/spirit/what-oprah-knows-for-sure-communication