Growing up in lack (without love and affection, etc.) results in destructive consequences and impacts lives for generations. Marriage and family therapist David Richo (2002) recognizes love as the 5 A’s: attention, affection, appreciation, acceptance, and allowing. These are the necessary ingredients for a loving, healthy relationship to develop and withstand. This includes the parent-child relationship.
When love is absent, children receive the message that they are the problem, don’t matter, and are not good enough. Without the 5 A’s, children learn ways to soothe the emotional pain of not getting the love they desperately need. Deprived of a mature, emotionally stable, attached caregiver, ideally a parental figure showing love (the 5 A’s) the child solves internal emotional disturbance through various coping strategies. Tuning out (dissociating) works, videogaming works, excessive internet and phone use works, along with undereating and overeating. Food soothes, comforts, and calms emotional pain.
No one consciously sets out to create an emotional life built around food and destructive eating patterns. Binge eating disorder (BED; National Eating Disorders Association, 2021) is the most common eating disorder among Black women, with 22.75 being the age of onset (Taylor, Caldwell, Baser, Faison, & Jackson, 2007). A major influence that negatively impacts Black women and girls is white supremacy. Allow your mind to think about the term dominance and the history of ownership of black bodies. Not being safe in your body, not feeling good enough, not feeling happy most of the time, and not being able to express oneself is not new to Black people. Intergenerational trauma lives within—consciously or unconsciously.
Today, dominant systems remain in creating standards of beauty, education curriculum, incarceration rates, employability, financial compensation, assignment of gender roles, etc. Far too often, Black women find themselves in positions of little power. They endure the struggles associated with multiple intersectionalities increasing their risks and vulnerabilities to illness and conditions such as eating disorders (Small, 2021). The Georgetown Center on Poverty and Inequality examined 325 adults’ perception of Black girls ages 5-14 in two settings: education and juvenile justice. The results of the report, Girl Interrupted: The Erasure of Black Girls’ Childhood, revealed that Black girls need less nurturing, need less protection, need to be supported less, need to be comforted less, are more independent, know more about adult topics, and know more about sex (Epstein, Blake, & González, 2018). The residue of white supremacy has affected all of us. The adults surveyed in the Georgetown report were from diverse racial and ethnic backgrounds. “Adultification is a form of dehumanization, robbing Black children of the very essence of what makes childhood distinct from all other developmental periods: innocence” (Epstein, Blake, & González, 2018, p. 6). We must return love to the children.
Lack of love to give can result when the attachment figure is overwhelmed with external stressors of discrimination, unemployment, underemployment, financial hardships, and abuse while living in environments lacking nourishing foods and safety. Poverty is not the deciding factor to emotional underdevelopment—it’s having a caretaker who never had the love to give. Many eating problems can be traced back to childhood as solutions to numbing emotional pain resulting from trauma and the absence of an emotionally stable attachment figure. Out of fear of losing attachment, children learn how to cope in environments exuding dominance. It is impossible to be vulnerable when there are no safe, loving spaces to be human and express human emotions. As adults, it becomes our work to self-investigate dominance in our thoughts, behaviors, and coping strategies. I end this article thinking about repair and recovery from white supremacy and what it could look like in one’s life.
What will be that magical moment for knowing that you’re good enough? I believe it takes keen awareness to recognize that you are more well today than your yesterday. In other words, when that voice of dominance starts acting up in your thoughts, you see it and call its name for the oppressor that it is. Find safe spaces for yourself to share your vulnerability. It is always a good idea to spend overwhelming time in love and kindness. If you have an urge to start today, consider the following solution-focused miracle question posed by Speaking Down Barriers Executive Director and MFT, Davelyn Hill (2021): What if last night while we were sleeping, a miracle happened and white supremacy (and the way it shows up) no longer exists. Equity is our shared value and our lived experience. When you open your eyes what would be the first thing you’d notice that would let you know something changed?
Many eating problems can be traced back to childhood as solutions to numbing emotional pain resulting from trauma and the absence of an emotionally stable attachment figure.
Sabrina C. Richardson, MMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist with Intrinsic Therapy LLC, a private practice she owns and operates, and an AAMFT Professional Member holding the Clinical Fellow designation. Richardson graduated from the University of South Carolina Upstate earning a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and a Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy from Converse College. In addition, she completed the COAMFTE Accredited Post-Degree Program at Westgate Family Therapy Teaching Institute in Spartanburg, South Carolina. Since passing the AAMFT Licensure Exam, Richardson dedicates time and energy helping families, couples, individuals, and organizations recover from life’s difficulties, with a specific focus in relational conflict, emotional disturbances, and disordered eating, including compulsive overeating. As a therapist, her approach centers on thoughts (language of the mind) and emotions (language of the body) that determine our behaviors and impact the choices we make. Richardson is a member of the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals (IAEDP). She is certified as a Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapist with Project Best and pursuing certification as an IAEDP certified eating disorders specialist.
REFERENCES
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). The diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed). Washington, DC: Author.
Epstein, R., Blake, J. J., & González, T. (2018). Girl interrupted: The erasure of Black girls’ childhood. The Georgetown Center on Poverty and Inequality. Retrieved from https://genderjusticeandopportunity.georgetown.edu/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/girlhood-interrupted.pdf
National Eating Disorders Association. (2021). Binge eating disorder. Retrieved from https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/bed
Richo, D. (2002). How to be an adult in relationships. The five keys to mindful loving. Boulder, CO: Shambhala Publications, Inc.
Small, C. (2021). Eating because we’re hungry or because something’s eating us? In Small, C., & Fuller, M. (Eds.), Treating black women with eating disorders. A clinician’s guide. (pp. 13-32). Routledge.
Speaking Down Barriers. (2021). http://www.speakdownbarriers.org/
Taylor, J. Y., Caldwell, C. H., Baser, R. E., Faison, N., & Jackson, J. S. (2007). Prevalence of eating disorders among Blacks in the National Survey of American Life. The International Journal of Eating Disorders, 40(S3), S10-S14. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/epdf/10.1002/eat.20451
Other articles
Black Families and Body Image: The Need for a Holistic Approach
Issues surrounding body images among Black people must be understood within the broader historical and familial experiences in which they exist. Too often, clinicians focus on treating Black people who struggle with body image without understanding the unique experiences of Black families.
Charlece Bishop, MS
Demons Under the Dinner Table: The Impact of Diet Culture and Weight Stigma on the Black Community
Weight stigma and fatphobia contribute to the development of disordered eating patterns, eating disorders, and body dissatisfaction. Weight stigma stems from diet culture and diet culture contributes to the development of poor body image, disordered eating habits, and has been shown to take a toll on mental health.
Alyssa Davis, MS
Cultural Considerations in the Treatment of Eating Disorders
Eating disorders are prevalent among Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC), yet predominately associated with images of White, young, thin, affluent women. This myth is influenced by who gets a diagnosis, participates in clinical research, and receives care in treatment settings.
Ashley Acle, MFT