PERSPECTIVES

Family Member Transgender Disclosures

 

In brief:

• Non-normative family transitions are part of the life cycle of a family

• Disclosure by a family member that he or she (or preferred pronoun) is transgender constitutes a new form of non-normative family transition that is not well understood

• Including transgender persons as part of the family often conflicts with a world view of heteronormative hegemony

• New understandings of this non-normative family transition are needed in order to help clinicians, practitioners, and family educators help those families which experience this new form of non-normative family transition


Theories of family and what constitutes a family have broadened over the past two decades (Sharma, 2013). Relationships, nurturance, protection, and communication are functions that are either explicitly stated within theories of family (Watzlawick, Weakland, & Fisch, 1974) or are implicit in broader and more inclusive definitions (Phillips, Ledbetter, Stoliz, & Bergquist, 2018; Walsh, 2016). In the life cycle of families, transitions occur that are viewed as normative; those can include events such as a child taking the first steps, religious celebrations, children reaching puberty, or family members getting a driver license. These normative transitions are relatively predictable and often are consistent with cultural and familial expectations, wishes, and dreams (Chibucos & Leite, 2005). Due to this consistency, there is often a line of continuity in these transitions that adds to a family’s sense of balance and security. Although families are changed in subtle ways after each normative transition, the changes are expected and predicted.

In contrast, early pioneers in the study of families also noted that families can be subjected to upheavals that are not easily foreseen or predictable (Boss, Bryant, & Mancini, 2017; Watzlawick, Weakland, & Fisch, 1974). Such upheavals are often seen as non-normative and can include the death of a child, untimely death of a spouse or parent, or war or terrorism. These non-normative family transitions present a family with an entirely new and uncertain present and future. The anticipated line of continuity, and the hopes and dreams of family members may be altered in ways that are difficult to imagine. Research literature demonstrated numerous effects on families when they are subjected to a non-normative family transition (Moules, 2008; Vladislav & Marc, 2017). Families often mark those events as “before” and “after” and it may be uncertain that families, as a unit, will survive that non-normative event (Price, Bush, & Price, 2016; Walsh & McGoldrick, 1991).

Family members disclosing as gender or sexual minorities as a non-normative transition

Although the culture in the United States is becoming more tolerant, there still exists a heteronormative hegemony in many countries (Chaney, 2018). Gender and sexual minorities often face discrimination, assault, and marginalization based on heteronormative visions of what is “right and wrong” (Gartner & Sterzing, 2018). Heteronormativity refers to the notion that cultural, legal, and institutional practices are based on universal beliefs that there are only two genders, that gender reflects biological sex, and that sexual attraction between these two genders is the only attraction that is natural or acceptable (Kitzinger, 2005).

Individuals who identify as a gender or sexual minority member are also members of families. A family is likely to experience a non-normative family transition when that family member discloses that he or she is transgender. It is important to note that this disclosure can occur at any age across the lifespan, from childhood to elderly persons. Family reactions will be a major part of the individual’s adjustment.

Transgender, in part, refers to a person’s perception of being mis-gendered at birth, due to a classification based solely on genital presence (Green & Maurer, 2015). The presence of genitalia classifies one as a male or female—a binary with no place for gender fluidity (Gosling, 2018). Overarching the disclosure that a family member is transgender is the fact that Western society views itself as heterosexual, and all social interactions as hetero-normative (Poirot, 2017). As part of society, it is likely that most families will enter the situation with the same heteronormative expectations.

Although research is only now beginning to investigate transgender persons, they have been a part of society for millennia (Chen et al., 2017). In spite of this long history, the notion of a heteronormative culture creates enormous pressures and difficulties, especially for transgender women (mis-gendered as male at birth; Case, Hensley, & Anderson, 2014). As children and young adults, they quickly recognized that it is dangerous for natal boys to act, wish, or play “like a girl.” Disapproving looks, firm rebukes, corporal punishment, and ridicule are a few of the responses given to male children (Brill & Pepper, 2008). Rarely are natal males allowed to present as a girl in public or in social situations. They are often encouraged to keep their internal gender hidden, which can lead to suicide ideation and completion, substance use, isolation, and loneliness as adolescents, teens, and adults (Grant et al., 2011). Transmen (mis-gendered as female at birth) have a relatively accepting childhood and adolescence. Natal girls are given a pass in Western society and are often encouraged to “be like a boy.” Tomboyism is alive and strong within Western culture, and there are few social, cultural, or religious threats to transmens’ well-being (Green & Maurer, 2015). They can dress, act, talk and play with other boys. Transmen often know that they are boys from earliest childhood; however, only about 15% of transwomen knew that they were girls from earliest childhood (Olson, Key & Eaton, 2015).

Most families are likely to perceive the disclosure of a transgender family member as being a non-normative transition because the transgender family member was likely to be viewed with heteronormative expectations prior to disclosure. Family life course theory (Chibucos & Leite, 2005; Elder, 1994) provides a guide to understand and explain changes in families across time—changes that are seen as normative, predictable, and time sensitive (Gosselin, Babchishin, & Romano, 2015). However, a transgender disclosure by a family member alters two main concepts within family life course theory: i.e., life trajectories and agency. Agency refers to the choices and compromises that individuals make based on alternatives that are perceived to be available to them (Gosselin et al., 2015). When a family member discloses that they are transgender, relationships within families can change and lead to reactions like marginalization, a sense of loss, grief, or resentment. These changes can dramatically alter the sense of agency, or choices perceived by the transgender person in terms of feelings of relationship enhancement within the family (Norwood, 2012). In terms of life trajectories within the family, those persons who disclose that they are transgender may have almost immediate alterations in their life trajectories. Perhaps the most influential alteration in trajectory is the change in employment, both in opportunities and perhaps in loss of employment. It is still legal in many states to terminate employees for being transgender, and it is very difficult for transgender persons to gain employment (Attia, 2016).

When a family member discloses that they are transgender, relationships within families can change and lead to reactions like marginalization, a sense of loss, grief, or resentment. These changes can dramatically alter the sense of agency, or choices perceived by the transgender person in terms of feelings of relationship enhancement within the family.

Families experience a range of emotions when confronted with a non-normative transition such as disclosing that a family member is transgender. Transgender disclosure often generates social disapproval, anger, rejection, loss of relationships with loved ones, discrimination, marginalization, verbal harassment, and in some cases, violence (Lombardi, Wilchins, Priesing, & Malouf, 2001). These issues present challenges for clinicians, practitioners, or other mental health professionals and family educators.

Implications for systemic professionals

Education opportunities for family professionals regarding the lives and struggles of transgender persons and families with a transgender member are limited. However, it is incumbent on professionals to educate themselves as much as possible regarding the lives of transgender persons.

Possibly the greatest challenge for systemic therapists and policy makers may be an internal battle when working with transgender persons and families with a transgender member. Education about transgender persons is a beginning, however, being adequately prepared for engaging with transgender persons and families requires a much deeper self-examination. Family professionals must engage in a rigorous self-evaluation regarding the level of influence of heteronormative constructs on their professional competence to work authentically with transgender persons. The family professional who is educated about transgender persons and families with a transgender member must answer the following:

  • Does the family professional have the intellectual flexibility to recognize that a heteronormative lens is often clouded, distorted, and exclusionary?
  • Can that professional make the adjustment to view the world with a wider, clearer lens, that is inclusive and non-judgmental?
  • Does the professional have the courage to follow ethical guidelines when those challenges to a heteronormative view are too great to overcome, and refer potential families and clients to other, more competent professionals?

Working with transgender persons and families with a transgender member is hard work. Being competent to work with transgender persons is essential to successful outcomes for families and individuals.

Gerard Cavanaugh, PhD

Gerard Cavanaugh, PhD, LPC, LMFT-S, is at the The Parenting Center in Fort Worth, TX. He is an AAMFT Clinical Fellow. His email is: gcavanaugh@TheParentingCenter.org


REFERENCES

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Brill, S.  & Pepper, R. (2008). The transgender child: A handbook for families and professionals. San Francisco, CA: Cleis Press, Inc.

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Chen, M., McCann-Crosby, B., Gunn, S., Grorgiadis, P., Placencia, F., Mann, D., Axelrad, M., Karaviti, L., & McCullough, L. (2017). Fluidity models in ancient Greece and current practices of sex assignment. Semin Perinatol, 41(4), 206-213. doi:10.1053/j.semperi.2017.03.014

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Grant, J., Mollet, L., Tanis, J., Harrison, J., Herman, J., & Keisling, M. (2011). Injustice at every turn: A report of the National Transgender Discrimination Survey. Washington, DC: National Center for Transgender Equality and National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

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