Anxiety in youth can manifest in various ways: some may become tearful, others agitated, and still others might withdraw. Changes in youth’s typical behaviors often signal that they are preoccupied with something difficult to understand, overcome, or envision. When a young person is facing a threat—such as fear for their safety, uncertain housing, or the potential loss of a loved one—it is important to acknowledge the possibility of the event while helping children feel prepared and capable of facing the challenge. Conversely, when a threat is imagined or amplified internally, compassionate conversations can help young people gain perspective on their inner dialogue and recognize that their minds may be constructing overly scary scenarios.
Anxiety often arises from feeling small in the face of big challenges. While we can’t always prevent tough situations, equipping children with tools to manage them can restore a sense of control and help them re-engage in their daily lives. The following conversation tips can contribute to easing the emotional burden a child is carrying:
Ask skill-focused questions
Recognizing that there are worrisome events but that youth also have co-existing skills can be very empowering. While it is tempting to offer reassurance, try also asking questions that actively engage the brain. Questions prompt a markedly different kind of mental processing, contrasting with the passive listening from which children often disengage. For example, you might ask, “Can you remember a time when you were able to set your worries aside? What helped you feel better then? How did you convince yourself to put aside the worries?” Although youth experience instances of relief from anxiety, they struggle to pinpoint exactly what helped them; articulating those strategies increases their ability to intentionally replicate that success.
Distinguish helpful versus unhelpful worries
Periods of anxiety about a real, intensified, or imagined problem are associated with many thoughts churning in youth’s mind. Invariably, some of this thinking is helpful and some is repetitive, nonproductive, and focused on the worst. Perspective-inducing questions can facilitate the discernment, such as, “Is it helpful when the worries lead you to experience this scary scenario ahead of time?” Or, “Are the worries getting you to imagine the same scene over and over again?” Taking a moment to crosscheck the most common thoughts and ask if they are 100% true, or if there might be more hopeful ways to think about the situation, can help bring a reality check to an otherwise overwhelmed mind. Once the helpful worries are identified, a concrete plan can be crafted to prevent, minimize or address the concern; at the same time, reasons to put the unhelpful worries to rest can be listed.
Encourage time limits around worrying
Setting a time limit on worrying helps to prevent rumination habits, which tend to amplify young people’s distress. Agreeing on how long and when they can dwell on a concern, can prevent problems from overwhelming their entire day and opens space for other life experiences. These other activities in and of themselves tend to foster perspective and facilitate healthier counter-emotions, such as joy, relaxation, and curiosity.
Soothe the body
Youth learn to regulate their emotions through compassionate relationships with other living beings. Their brain literally soaks up the soothing presence of a caring individual and internalizes that experience. Ideally, this learning takes place with a nurturing caregiver, though in some circumstances, it can also occur with a teacher, neighbor, pet, or even a stuffed animal. In each scenario, even brief moments of comforting touch triggers the production of mood-stabilizing neurotransmitters. When a child is struggling with anxiety, a long hug or gentle hand-holding—especially when combined with an embodied metaphor, such as “Let’s imagine ourselves as still as statues, or as calm as napping cats”—can be particularly effective before or after a supportive conversation. Similarly, using a weighted blanket, ideally weighing no more than 10% of the child’s body weight, can promote more restful sleep after the concerns have been addressed.
Share the family’s legacy of resilience
Children or their families have often experienced an element of the current problem before, sometimes across generations. Parents can share with their child stories of family members demonstrating resilience in the face of adversity, and more specifically, the “how” they pushed through, what they told themselves in dark times, who inspired them, and how they held onto hope. Stories of handling financial strain or oppression, for instance, can provide a rich source of discussion. When youth are more knowledgeable about what has worked for family members in past challenges, they gain a deeper sense of belonging to a lineage of people who overcome struggles.
Cultivate belonging
Anxiety thrives in isolated people and when unchecked, in the inner confines of a person’s mind. Enrolling a youth in a group—whether it’s sports, music, art, or any other club—can be life-changing. Groups can provide a sense of belonging and feeling valued; they offer opportunities to contribute to others’ lives while gaining experiences beyond what a family alone can generate.
Reduce exposure to screen-based activities
Limiting children’s exposure to screens reduces anxiety by minimizing the constant reminders of distressing events, sensationalistic negative information, social media, and the physical overstimulation inherent to violent video games. It allows youth to maintain a more realistic view of people and the world, and develop other life skills through exercise, creativity, play, and in-person socialization with peers.
Create daily moments of meaningful connection
A moment of connection with a caring adult can ground a young person and set a more relaxed tone for their next activity. For example, at school, a teacher or counselor, might greet each child individually in the morning—making eye contact and offering a gentle pat on the shoulder—to establish a shared connection for the day. Similarly, at home, even after a long day, it is still worth it for exhausted parents to offer a mindful and reassuring presence to their child before bedtime—if only for a few minutes. Although brief moments of connection may seem insignificant, they can actually lower a youth’s anxiety levels by fostering a sense of being valued, safe, and connected.
Photo Credits: istock/fizkes
Marie-Nathalie Beaudoin, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and AAMFT Professional member who directs Skills for Kids, Parents & Schools (SKIPS) in California, providing strength-based trainings, and therapeutic services to children, families, and school communities. A pioneer in developing innovative clinical practices, she has published over 50 professional articles and several books—including The SKiLL-ionaire in Every Child (2010) available in English, French, and Spanish. Her latest co-authored work, Narrative Practices and Emotions: 40+ Ways to Support the Emergence of Flourishing Identities (2024), is garnering worldwide attention for its groundbreaking blend of Positive Psychology, Narrative Therapy, Somatic Approaches, and Interpersonal Neurobiology. With a background in improvisational theater, Beaudoin is internationally recognized for her thought-provoking and engaging presentations. www.mnbeaudoin.com
Other articles
A Call to Action: Supporting Humanitarian Aid Workers Through Collective Grief and Career Crisis
Over the past two weeks, I’ve logged into session after session, greeted not by familiar updates about the challenges of humanitarian work, but by tears and stunned silence. The same refrain plays out across borders: ‘We’ve all been let go.’
Jason J. Platt, PhD
Teaching in the Landscape of Political Uncertainty
Since the new year with the second wave of Donald Trump’s presidency, we knew that being with students in the classroom, as women in academia, would be more complex than ever—navigating the reality of political shifts can bring a world of difference to all of us who are part of higher education.
Danna Abraham, PhD & Afarin Rajaei, PhD
Family Therapy for Clients of Wealth: Extending culturally competent care through a systemic lens
That we are living in volatile times is not new news. The last decade has been defined by acute disruptions in multiple spheres of our individual, relational, and collective existence. Historically, the magnitude of these disruptions served to unite disparate identities around a common good.
Paul Hokemeyer, JD, PhD