A portion of the U.S. population is choosing online games as a form of recreation and, consequently, develop unhealthy preoccupations with activities on the internet. Survey results released from the Pew Research Center reveal American adults and youth are choosing computer games as a form of recreation at rates between 48% and 77% (Duggan, 2015). Studies indicate, contrary to stereotypes, adults rather than youth are more likely to engage in online gameplay (Bergstrom, Fisher, & Jenson, 2016; Molesworth & Watkins, 2016).
Given a meta-analysis of 33 published studies, adults between 20 and 40 years old in the U.S. are identified as a high-risk group at rates of 3.1% (Ferguson, Coulson, & Barnett, 2011). There exists a stereotype across countries and cultures that online games are played exclusively by young males (Bakan & Bakan, 2019; Wasserman & Rittenour, 2019). In contrast to this universal gamer stereotype, the Entertainment Software Association (ESA; 2019) reports online games are played by adult males and females with an average age of 35 years old and with females representing 46% of the gaming population; thus, there are over 164 million adults in the United States playing online games. Survey results released from the Pew Research Center align with the gaming industry sponsored ESA (2019) findings and further challenge the young male gamer stereotype validating an adult age and balanced gender composition of the American gamer.
Problematic online gaming frequently includes sleeping, eating, bathing, and toileting deprivation (Lopez-Fernandez, 2018). Decreased employment performance, employment loss, and long-term unemployment are often experienced (Király et al., 2017; Lee et al., 2017). This preoccupation extends beyond gameplay with adults abandoning social and recreational activities to spend additional time on online gaming forums and private social networking groups (King et al., 2016; Kuss, 2017; Lopez-Fernandez, 2018). Deceiving partners, spouses, family, and friends to continue engaging directly or indirectly with online games is commonly experienced (Lopez-Fernandez, 2018).
Adults who demonstrate problematic online gaming spend, on average, between 25.5 and 38.2 hours per week gaming (King, Kaptsis, Delfabbro, & Gradisar 2016; O’Connor, Longman, White, & Obst, 2016). Research uncovered some adults have a habitual routine of playing their preferred online game up to 85 hours per week (O’Connor et al., 2016). However, time investment in online gaming is not the sole indicator of problematic online gaming. Adults are using online games to deal with life stressors (Bowditch, Naweed, & Chapman, 2019; Chapman, 2019). Research reveals adults spend this amount of time playing online games to alleviate negative feelings (e.g., helplessness, guilt, anxiety, depression); however, attempts at decreasing or stopping their gameplay leads to feeling restless, irritable, frustrated, angry, anxious, or sad (King et al., 2016; Pietersen, Coetzee, Byczkowska-Owczarek, Elliker, & Ackermann, 2018). Furthermore, adults experience preoccupation outside of gameplay; thus, experiencing the need to increase the amount of time spent gaming to feel excitement and satisfaction, and an enduring desire after diminishing or discontinuing gameplay (Lopez-Fernandez, 2018; Pietersen et al., 2018).
Given these behaviors and the fact that adults are engaged at higher rates of problematic online gaming, romantic partners and spouses are trying to support a partner who is struggling to balance their time investment between their online gameplay; romantic relationships; relationships with the children; and education, job, career, and, even, household obligations. The looming question is what to do and how to support your romantic partners and spouses beyond giving them ultimatums or hoping the issue will just resolve itself. This is where motivation comes in. A study that did not get much attention back in the early 2000s sought to obtain the largest collection of online gamer demographics with a particular focus on player motivation (Yee, 2006). What was found conflicted with the stereotype of the time, which was that children developed problematic online gaming at higher rates. The researcher found that adults and their romantic partners and spouses were reporting problematic online gaming at much higher rates and with unique problems impacting their relationships. Furthermore, the researcher across four years developed the first theory linking motivation to play online games with problematic online gaming. What was found is that gamers’ motivation could be clearly categorized by either the need for immersion, achievement, or social interaction. A collection of more recent studies found 80.05% of the total explained variance of problematic online gaming could be explained by achievement at 44.00%, immersion at 36.80%, and social at -0.75% (Beard & Wickham, 2016; Billieux et al., 2013, 2015; Colder Carras et al., 2017; Deleuze, Long, Liu, Maurage, & Billieux, 2018; Hagström & Kaldo, 2014; Herodotou, Kambouri, & Winters, 2014; Hussain, Williams, & Griffiths, 2015; Kahn et al., 2015; Kardefelt-Winther, 2014; Kuss, Louws, & Wiers, 2012). What this means is that adult online gamers are motivated to play online games to the extent that it becomes problematic because of achievement and immersion, while social interactions actually are a buffer to online gaming becoming an issue.
So, given this information, how can romantic partners or spouses help their partners experiencing problematic online gaming? Although the issue is complicated, this information can help to inform intervention. If your romantic partners or spouses are motivated by achievement, redirecting or dividing their attention towards job, career, education, hobby, or the relationship itself may deinvest their time in problematic online gaming and reinvest their time towards one or several of those other activities. It would be important that your romantic partner or spouse feels as though they are making progress or developing skills in those alternative activities. The same would be true for those adults motivated by immersion. However, the reason why adults seek immersion in online games is to escape real-life problems or precieved real-life problems. Those problems are postulated to be overall life satisfaction with minor or major life stressors across school, work, home, family, and intimate partner domains in both the short- and long-term (Bargeron & Hormes, 2017; Lehenbauer-Baum et al., 2015; Lemmens, Valkenburg, & Gentile, 2015; Subramaniam et al., 2016). For adults who are motivated in this manner, the way to reduce their online gaming is to address the low life satisfaction with school, work, home, family, and intimate partner relationships.
A vast majority of people who play online games experience behaviors that are not problematic, especially given that online games have become a normal aspect of contemporary culture and society (Griffiths et al., 2016; Lee, Clarke, & Rossi 2016; Mawer, 2016). Online games are becoming more mainstream and seen as leisure and recreational activities (Lee et al., 2016; Mawer, 2016). Online gamers and spectators have been known to view live streaming of gameplay to observe celebrity gamers play without demonstrating problematic online gaming behaviors (Lee et al., 2016). Indeed, engaging either directly or indirectly with online games has become a normal culturally acceptable form of leisure, recreation, and entertainment in many geographically and culturally diverse countries worldwide. However, for those who do experience these behaviors and the resultant impact to their lives and relationships, it is important to seek the help of a therapist who specializes in problematic online gaming, gaming disorder, or internet gaming disorder.
Romantic partners and spouses are trying to support a partner who is struggling to balance their time investment between their online gameplay; romantic relationships; relationships with the children; and education, job, career, and, even, household obligations.

Ezra Lockhart PhD, MHlthSc(DD), LMHC, LAC, MFTC, MAC, CAS, CDCS, is an AAMFT Student Member. For over a decade (2004-2016), Lockhart maintained client practice and consultantships with multiple home healthcare agencies in the state of Alaska. He obtained a Masters in Psychology at Northcentral University and is working on his PhD in Psychology. Additionally, he studied with the Faculty of Health Sciences and Centre for Disability Research and Policy at University of Sydney in Australia completing a master’s degree in Developmental Disability. Ezra is a board certified Chemical Dependency Counselor at the state and national levels. www.easydoesitcounseling.com
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