Nonmonogamy (also known as consensual nonmonogamy and ethical nonmonogamy, these are umbrella terms that encompass swinging, polyamory, and other types of nonmonogamy) has moved from the margins toward greater cultural visibility in recent years. Popular media, social networks, and empirical research all reflect rising curiosity about alternative relationship structures. Population surveys suggest that about one in five Americans has engaged in some form of nonmonogamy (NM) at some point in their lives (Haupert et al., 2017), and interest continues to grow.
For many people, exploring polyamory is not about abandoning commitment but about expanding the possibilities of love and intimacy. They may describe their decision as a search for authenticity, a desire for erotic vitality, or an opportunity to align their lives with deeply held values.
For some therapists, these conversations can feel unfamiliar. Most clinical training programs still operate within a mononormative framework, offering little guidance on how to help clients navigate nonmonogamous relationships (Schechinger et al., 2018). Mononormativity describes the predominant assumption of monogamy as the most “natural” or “best” form of romantic relationships (Pieper & Bauer, 2005). Some clinicians worry about unintentionally pathologizing NM. Some fear they may overlook important risks and relational stressors, and others are simply not comfortable working with NM relationships.
For those who do work with NM clients and relationships, it’s important to know that MFTs are well positioned to treat NM relationships. Our field emphasizes relational systems, placing MFTs in a prime stance to support clients who are reimagining their relational ecosystem. MFTs can help clients find stability and connection in what may otherwise feel like uncharted territory.
Research suggests that people in NM relationships often report levels of psychological well-being comparable to those in monogamous relationships.
Does it really work?
One byproduct of mononormativity is the marginalization and stigmatization of NM relationships. Negative beliefs about NM are not only present within the general population; biases and stigmatizing beliefs have been documented in medical and mental health practitioners (Henrich & Trawinski, 2016; Herbert, 2020; Williams & Prior, 2015).
Nonetheless, studies examining psychological variables such as attachment styles and emotion regulation have found no evidence that polyamory is linked to maladaptive functioning (Rogier et al., 2024). Research suggests that people in NM relationships often report levels of psychological well-being comparable to those in monogamous relationships. In fact, one meta-study that included 35 studies involving 24,489 people across the U.S. and Europe found roughly equal levels of relationship satisfaction for monogamous and non-monogamous individuals (Anderson et al., 2025).
At the same time, research grounded in minority stress theory reveals that stigmatization and internalized negativity around NM can negatively affect relationship quality when individuals internalize societal biases, indicating that external stressors, not CNM itself, are sometimes the source of distress (Witherspoon & Theodore, 2021).
The unique challenges of opening up
When couples shift from monogamy to polyamory, they are not simply “adding partners”; they are restructuring the foundation of their relationship and re-negotiating long-standing cultural scripts about love and fidelity. This transition comes with a distinctive set of challenges.
Attachment concerns. Many people worry that opening the relationship will erode their bond or make them less significant in each other’s lives. Even securely attached partners may feel destabilized when the possibility of new romantic or sexual connections arises (Moors et al., 2019).
Boundary-setting. Cultural scripts around monogamy provide a default template: fidelity is assumed, sexual exclusivity is non-negotiable, and partners typically prioritize one another above all other relationships. NM requires people to build a new template from the ground up. Agreements must be crafted around disclosure, safer sex, scheduling, resource-sharing, and more (Vilkin & Davila, 2023).
Differing paces. Rarely do both partners arrive at the decision to open a relationship with equal enthusiasm. One may be eager to explore, while the other hesitates. This mismatch in pacing can trigger resentment, fear, or feelings of coercion if not handled with care.
Ambiguity and uncertainty. In monogamous structures, the end goal (marriage, raising children, etc.) is culturally defined. NM relationships often lack these clear benchmarks, leaving individuals to co-create their vision of success. This ambiguity can be liberating, but it can also feel destabilizing without strong communication (Wauthier, 2022).
Therapists can normalize all these challenges by framing them not as signs of dysfunction, but as natural developmental tasks in the process of relational expansion.
Emotional dynamics in new-to-NM relationships
The early stages of NM often bring a mixture of exhilaration and fear. Therapists who can help clients name, normalize, and navigate these emotions offer clients an invaluable sense of support.
One of the most common and most feared experiences, jealousy, is often misunderstood as proof that polyamory “isn’t working” (even though the feeling is common in monogamous relationships as well). In reality, jealousy is a composite emotion that can include insecurity, anger, grief, and fear. By breaking jealousy down into its component parts, therapists can help clients respond to it with curiosity rather than shame.- Fear of abandonment. For individuals with anxious attachment patterns, the potential presence of another partner can activate deep fears of being replaced. Even those with secure attachment may experience new waves of anxiety. Naming and attending to these fears with compassion, rather than dismissing them as irrational, allows people to build trust in the midst of change.
- Excitement and expansion. While challenges are real, many clients also describe feelings of vitality, erotic energy, and personal growth when first practicing NM. In my experience with the nonmonogamous community, people often dive into the deep end of the pool only to find they were unprepared to navigate relational challenges common in NM. Helping clients to intentionally navigate new waters more slowly and with consciousness can be invaluable.
- Identity shifts. As individuals and couples transition to NM, individuals may grapple with questions of self-concept: What does it mean to be a good partner? How do I describe my family to others? How do my values align with this new relational model? Supporting identity exploration is part of affirming the broader growth process.
Therapists who validate both the challenges and the joys create space for clients to experience NM as a growth-oriented, expansive practice while proactively addressing common relational challenges that can arise in NM or monogamous relationships.
Therapeutic frameworks for growth
Therapists need not invent entirely new approaches to work effectively with polyamorous clients. Instead, familiar frameworks can be adapted to support clients’ unique contexts and relationships.
Attachment theory. Cultivating secure attachment is crucial in any close relational system. Therapists can help partners recognize that intimacy is not a zero-sum game and that reassurance, rituals of connection, and open dialogue are vital when exploring new relational bonds (Moors et al., 2019).
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT’s emphasis on creating and maintaining secure bonds translates well to polyamorous relationships (Edwards et al., 2023; Hayes & Allan, 2024). By helping partners express vulnerable emotions and responding with empathy, therapists can help clients foster connections that can withstand the stress of transition.

Narrative therapy. Dominant cultural narratives suggest that “real love” is exclusive, lifelong, and monogamous. Couples may internalize these scripts and interpret their struggles through a lens of deficiency. Narrative approaches encourage clients to question these stories and craft alternative narratives rooted in their own values and experiences.
Systems thinking. Training in systems thinking helps MFTs be more prepared for working with NM couples, triads/throuples, or other arrangements. Each new partner or agreement ripples through the entire relational system. Mapping these dynamics through relational diagrams, genograms that include polycules (network of interconnected relationships/people), or even visual calendars can help clients anticipate challenges and recognize interconnectedness.
These frameworks also help bring attention to power imbalances that may arise. For instance, if one partner initiated polyamory and the other agreed reluctantly, unspoken resentments can undermine relational agreements. Similarly, a partner who controls the pace or conditions of exploration may inadvertently perpetuate inequity. Therapists play an important role in surfacing and addressing these dynamics.
Practical tools for therapists
Concrete strategies can give clients structure and reduce the sense of being adrift in unfamiliar terrain. Among the most useful are:
- Relationship check-ins. Encourage clients to set aside time for structured conversations to share appreciations, concerns, and logistical updates. This helps prevent small issues from escalating into crises. Popularized by the Multiamory podcast, the RADAR format is widely recognized in NM communities (https://www.multiamory.com/radar).
- Emotion vocabulary lists. Expanding the language of feelings enables partners to articulate subtler experiences, such as envy, fear, or vulnerability, rather than collapsing everything into “jealousy.”
- Journaling prompts. Guided writing about hopes, fears, and reflections can deepen self-awareness and provide material for therapeutic discussion.
- Relational agreements. Structured exercises in identifying values, setting expectations, and revisiting agreements periodically help couples establish clarity and flexibility as their circumstances evolve (Vilkin & Davila, 2023). Encourage clients to get as detailed as possible (i.e., what is considered “sex?” How much notice is appropriate for going on a date with someone outside the dyad?)
These tools reinforce intentionality and collaboration, providing clients with practical skills to support their emotional work.

Considerations for therapists
Effective work with NM clients requires not only technical skill but also reflective practice.
Personal bias. Most therapists grew up immersed in a mononormative culture. Without conscious awareness, clinicians may subtly convey that monogamy is more valid or stable. Self-reflection, consultation, and continuing education are essential in dismantling these biases (Schechinger et al., 2018).
Stigma. The presence of stigma regarding NM practices is well documented (Mahar et al., 2022). Clients may encounter stigma from family, workplaces, or faith communities. Therapists can normalize these experiences, offer validation, and support clients in finding affirming social networks.
Competency building. Graduate programs rarely address NM directly. Clinicians who wish to grow in competence can seek out professional organizations, workshops, supervision groups, and resources specific to polyamory-affirming practice. You can visit the APA’s Committee on Consensual Nonmonogamy for NM-affirming resources.
Ethical responsibility. Just as therapists have adapted to affirm LGBTQIA+ clients and diverse family structures, so, too, must we evolve to meet the needs of those in NM relationships. Competency in this area is not a specialty for a select few; it is increasingly part of ethical, inclusive practice. For those who simply do not want to work with NM relationships, it is advised to refer out to more affirming clinicians rather than attempt to work outside their scope.
Relevance for MFT practice
Why does this matter for family therapists? Because NM and polyamory are no longer a fringe phenomenon (Rubel & Burleigh, 2020). Clients are increasingly arriving in therapy with questions about opening up or exploring nonmonogamy, and they deserve to be met with respect and clinical skill.
MFTs are uniquely positioned to respond. Our systems orientation prepares us to consider how new partners or agreements affect the relational network. Our focus on attachment equips us to support couples through the vulnerabilities of change. Our commitment to cultural humility challenges us to recognize mononormativity as one cultural script among many, rather than a universal truth.
Working with NM clients is not a departure from traditional MFT practice; it is an expansion of it. Well-known therapeutic skills such as communication facilitation, conflict resolution, and emotional attunement are relevant here. What shifts is the context: instead of supporting a dyad within established cultural scripts, we are guiding clients as they co-create new relational maps.
Conclusion
Clients who embark on a nonmonogamous journey are not rejecting intimacy or commitment; they are reimagining it. For therapists, this presents both a challenge and an opportunity. By understanding the unique hurdles of opening up, recognizing common emotional dynamics, applying flexible therapeutic frameworks, and offering practical tools, MFTs can help couples cultivate resilient and loving relationships, whether they fit the mold or not.
As NM and/or polyamory become more visible, our role is not to act as gatekeepers but to guide clients with curiosity, respect, and skill. In doing so, we honor the evolving diversity of human connection and affirm our profession’s commitment to helping families thrive in all their forms.

Lindsay Hayes, MA MFTC, is an AAMFT Professional member and holds an MA in Communication and an MA in Couple and Family Therapy. Her Master’s thesis was a qualitative study on the lived experience of being in a polycule. She is currently a student in the PhD in Counseling Studies program at the University of Edinburgh in Scotland (by distance) where she continues to study polyamory. She is a member of the adjunct faculty at the University of Denver. Hayes practices therapy part-time at Legacy Trails Therapy and lives in Denver.
Anderson, J. R., Hinton, J. D. X., Bondarchuk-McLaughlin, A., Rosa, S., Tan, K. J., & Moor, L. (2025). Countering the monogamy-superiority myth: A meta-analysis of the differences in relationship satisfaction and sexual satisfaction as a function of relationship orientation. The Journal of Sex Research, 63(1), 130-142. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2025.2462988
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