FEATURES

Are You Even Intimacy-informed?

 

We are pleased to present this special, super-sized issue spotlighting the research work of MFT students at Chapman University in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program. Julie Payne, DMFT, LMFT, and her students focused on topics related to mental health disparity, as well as other systemic therapy issues. We are excited to showcase these future MFTs and hope you enjoy this issue!

The couple sitting on the couch in front of you is looking for guidance as they navigate their marital distress. As a marriage and family therapist (MFT), you begin your intake session with this couple. Your new clients Adam and John have been married for five years. They share with you their recent marital issues and their fears of the inability to repair their relationship.


John identifies as bisexual and his relationship with Adam is his first same-sex relationship. They both feel disconnected from one another. They have focused on their sexual intimacy hoping to feel closer and more connected to one another, however, they still feel disconnected. John is very concerned about this disconnection with Adam because he has never struggled in his past relationships with the opposite sex.

Intimacy can be fragile and difficult for couples to hold onto as they navigate the world and their relationship. Focusing on rebuilding intimacy can be helpful for most couples regardless of why they are coming in. Therefore, it is important to gain an understanding of how each person in the couple defines and understands intimacy. The Arias Franco Intimacy Assessment (AFIA) is a useful tool to better understand which forms of intimacy clients value the most in their relationships. If couples define intimacy narrowly or only consider one dimension of intimacy substantial to create a close and intimate relationship, exploring intimacy views is a great place to start.

When there is difficulty physically/sexually, for example, the rest of the relationship can feel in jeopardy since that is the couple’s only way of feeling close and connected.

After your assessment and getting to know your clients, you soon realize they have only been focusing on their sexual intimacy and, meanwhile, have neglected all other forms of intimacy. They report feeling closest while connecting on an emotional level and working out together. Adam explained that they never realized how many other forms of intimacy exist, aside from sexual intimacy. Various types of intimacy include emotional intimacy, psychological intimacy, physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, temporal intimacy, communicational intimacy, social recreational intimacy, aesthetic intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and intellectual intimacy (Kardan-Souraki et al. 2015). Relying on only one form of intimacy puts a lot of pressure on that singular form. When there is difficulty physically/sexually, for example, the rest of the relationship can feel in jeopardy since that is the couple’s only way of feeling close and connected (Mosier, 2006).

It is uncertain if various forms of intimacy are displayed differently depending on relationship type. There is a lack of research on intimacy and even more limited research on intimacy in relationships other than heterosexual relationships. As therapy is becoming more common for same-sex couples, it is important to find ways to serve these communities. Research indicates there is a significant relationship between high levels of internalized homophobia and low levels of verbal and physical intimacy in couples (Brandt et al. 2023). Although there is a clear indication of sexual minority societal stressors impacting intimacy, there is no research that focuses on theory effectiveness with same-sex couples. Research needs to analyze the effectiveness of MFT interventions with same-sex couples rather than utilizing the “trial-and-error” method with theories created to serve heterosexual couples.

Regardless of relationship type, lack of intimacy can lead to separation or divorce. Most demographic analysts have analyzed and predicted the increasing divorce rates throughout the past few decades. Data from the American Community Survey shows that there has been a significant increase in divorce rates since 1990. Divorce rates have doubled among individuals over the age of 35 (Kennedy & Ruggles, 2014). This research helps us look at the role intimacy plays in relationship satisfaction and divorce rates.

 

We all live such busy lives now. There are more responsibilities. More places to be. Longer work hours. More demanding school requirements. Intimacy is easily neglected within our relationships. Couples’ individual barriers, relationship communication, vulnerability, and cognitive distortions can get in the way of intimacy. These factors can lead to lower relationship satisfaction and often divorce. MFTs can help couples navigate intimacy within their relationships by helping clients understand the different forms of intimacy and how they define intimacy. Understanding their views individually can lead to identifying any individual barriers to intimacy. Weeks and Treat (2001) encourage working through intrapersonal processes before working on interpersonal processes.

MFTs can help couples challenge and understand dysfunctional beliefs. According to Kayser and Himle (1994) dysfunctional beliefs can hinder intimacy. For example, thoughts such as “If I become close to someone, they will leave me” or “My spouse can’t meet my needs” are common dysfunctional beliefs that clients express which showcase all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, fortune-telling, unrealistic expectations, and discounting the positive (Kayser & Himle 1994). It is common that couples are unaware of these maladaptive thought processes, so it is important as MFTs to begin by educating on cognitive distortions and automatic thoughts and how they can negatively affect interpersonal relationships (Week & Treat 2001). After working with the couple to identify these thoughts, the Dysfunctional Thought Record (Dattilio 2005) can be used to write down the situation, the automatic thought, the emotion, cognitive distortion, and an alternative thought or response.

The couple can also utilize this information to improve communication patterns in their relationship. Although it may seem simple, enhancing communication between a couple is one of the most effective ways of helping couples rebuild intimacy (Weeks et al., 2003). It is important for couples to understand and attempt to break negative patterns. MFTs can ask couples to describe a previous scenario where conflict was displayed. As an MFT you can begin tracking the interaction cycle while taking note of each person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Enactments can help guide the interaction, teach compassionate listening, validate, and understand the other’s needs (Weeks et al., 1995).

Although previous research investigates the role of intimacy in relationships, it is uncertain if these strategies are effective for same-sex relationships, such as John and Adam. There are multiple layers of diversity within same-sex couples such as gender identity differences, societal implications, and communication patterns. Most interventions above do not take these factors into consideration. As MFTs encounter more same-sex relationships in therapy, it is imperative that MFTs are informed on how these factors play a role in and outside of the therapy room. Further research is needed to understand the complexities of intimacy and the role it plays in different types of relationships.

JuliePayne

Dr. Julie Payne, DMFT, LMFT, is an AAMFT Clinical Fellow & Approved Supervisor and a Clinical Assistant Professor at Chapman University in the Marriage and Family Therapy Program. She has over 17 years of clinical experience working in community based mental health and private practice settings. Dr. Payne is currently licensed and practicing in California and Texas specializing in working with families and individuals living with chronic illness/pain, military families, children & adolescents, and trauma.

Pablo Arias, BA, is a MFT Trainee and first-generation college student in their third year of the Marriage and Family Therapy program at Chapman University. Arias strives to serve the LGBTQIA+ community and hopes to bridge the gap between stigma and underrepresented identities.

Julianna Franco, is a MFT trainee and first-generation college student in her third year of the master’s Marriage and Family Therapy Program at Chapman University. She is passionate about helping clients navigate and improve their relationships.


Brandt, S. A., Sullivan, T. J., Luginbuehl, T., O’Leary, K. D., & Davila, J. (2023). Associations between internalized heterosexism, verbal intimacy, and affectionate touch provision among sexual minority couples. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice. https://doi-org.chapman.idm.oclc.org/10.1037/cfp0000245

Dattilio, F. M. (2005). Couples. In N. Kazantzia, F. P. Deane, D. R. Roman, & L. L’Abate (Eds.) Using homework assignments in cognitive behavior therapy (pp.153-170). New York: Routledge.

Kardan-Souraki, M., Hamzehgardeshi, Z., Asadpour, I., Mohammadpour, R. A., & Khani, S. (2015). A review of marital intimacy-enhancing interventions among married individuals. Global Journal of Health Science, 8(8), 74. https://doi.org/10.5539/gjhs.v8n8p74

Kayser, K., Himle, D.P. (1994). Dysfunction beliefs about intimacy. Journal Cognitive Psychotherapy, 8, 127-140.

Kennedy, S., & Ruggles, S. (2014). Breaking up is hard to count: the rise of divorce in the United States, 1980-2010. Demography, 51(2), 587–598. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13524-013-0270-9

Mosier, W. (2006). Intimacy: The key to a healthy relationship. Annals of the American Psychotherapy Association, 9(1), 34-35.

Weeks, G., Hoff, L., & Howard, B. B. (1995). Integrative solutions: Treating common problems in couples therapy. https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9780203727508/integrative-solutions-gerald-weeks-larry-hoff-martha-turner-bonnie-bellamy-howard

Weeks, G. R., Fife, S. T., & Treat, S. (2014). Couples in treatment: Techniques and approaches for effective practice. Routledge.

Weeks, G., Gambescia, N., & Jenkins, R. E. (2003). Treating infidelity: Therapeutic dilemmas and effective strategies. W. W. Norton & Company.

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